I'm not in the study today. I'm recording from a place in the hallway, because currently the study is occupied, my room is being cleaned (and I dread being in the room while Miss Arisawa is cleaning. If my mother weren't so fond of her I would have her fired just for being so unbearably fussy. Miserable old wench) so I had decided to find someplace to wait until either was relinquished, which didn't seem to be soon on either side. It honestly shouldn't take her as excruciatingly long as it does for her to clean my room- I keep it spotless anyway. She does it just to aggitate me. It is beyond obvious.

I did not attend school today. I was feeling absolutely dreadful, so I stayed home and slept. I was eventually awoken by Mr. Arima (my beloved chauffer. I consider him closer than any of my maids, honestly, and prefer him to the vast majority of my family) to ask if I was well enough to at least go for a drive before my physician arrived to give me my iron shots. I was very much in dread of seeing him. It would be obvious to him more than anyone that I have not been following my eating regimen. I agreed, and to my delight he took me out in one of my father's convertibles. Mother is the only one who prefers to drive herself to work because she's an insufferable control freak it accomadates her schedule. I never bothered to look into it because that would require asking her about it. My father is driven by limo anywhere he goes.

But we have still managed to accumulate a small collection of expensive automobiles. They build up steadily without my knowledge, as it is rare that I venture into the garage.

It was quite diverting, though. I am usually sitting alone in the back of the limo, so I chose to sit up front, and the fresh air really did me wonders. Mr. Arima didn't talk much, just light small talk, which is comforting when coming from him. The drive was about a half an hour long, and we got back with time left over. I'm not sure that opportunity will ever come around again, so although it seems rather juvenile, I really appreciate having that memory.

My physician was rather irritated with me. I knew it was coming, so I ignored it for the most part. I'm sure tomorrow I'll be feeling much fitter now that I've gotten an iron boost. I should really pay more attention to my health.

On that note, my father is home tonight. He is the one currently occupying the study speaking with a business associate of his. I'm sure it will smell of cigarettes for a few days now, but I'm not too concerned. I do hope I get to at least greet him before he leaves next. I do miss him something terrible at times.

It is getting rather late here. Last night's storm left today with heavy, overcast skies, and while normally I enjoy the calm this brings me, it seemed to dampen my spirits whenever I chanced to look out the window, which happens to be often as my seating arrangement has put me near the window. Today I was in such an abysmal mood that a first year who happened to be searching for me fled before even chancing an exchange. I might have felt a bit of guilt if my dismal mood hadn't overridden it. I missed lunch also. I do not know how on earth this could have happened, but it's effects were astounding. For the first time since I believe I have started school, I fell asleep in class. I've been wondering if anyone but Mori-san noticed. The only reason I know he noticed is that I woke up when I heard a cough from a row or two over and it happened to be him. He glanced back at me when I woke up, so I know he did it on purpose. I would have thanked him formally, but it seems that just a nod was appropriate enough. I am ever grateful.

I didn't see Kyoya-san at all, which just added to the dreadful day I had. I know this shouldn't come as a surprise- I am, indeed, a year ahead of him- but it still seems to dishearten me. How foolish. This juvenile infatuation continues to take it's toll...

My mother was also home tonight. It came as an astounding surprise, and I almost dropped my things when I heard her greet me as I walked through the door this afternoon in horror dispair bewilderment. She was as dreadful as always. I really have no words that are anywhere near civillized for describing how I feel about her. The first words out of her mouth were about how terrible I looked today, and it went downhill from here. I know it's awful to say, but sometimes I think it would be easier if she just never came home.

It's getting increasingly harder for me to go to sleep after talking with her if I don't have a drop of liquor before I retire or else the stress renders me awake until ungodly hours of the morning.

I finally decided to fill out ( this survey that has been passed about like the plague. )

I am, as always when I seem to be writing in this, in the study. It feels like ages since I've moved from this chair, but I've really only been in here for a couple hours. This is the only room in the mansion that you can actually hear the storm from, because all of our windows appear to be sound proofed. This seems to be the work of my father- the outside noise really does keep one sane. Right now there is a rather large thunderstorm in the making outside, and in all other rooms of the house it's silent unless it gets peculiarly loud. Work of my mother- she likes it quiet in here. I think it's positively dreadful. Almost eerie. When I'm in my room studing or anything of the sort, I must leave the music playing at all times should I finally just snap. Goodness knows that will never happen, though.

I practiced the piano for the first time in weeks tonight. I've gotten a bit rusty, and I tripped over some keys, but I haven't lost all of my talent yet. My clarinet playing is also up to par, with which I am greatly enthused. It feels as though I've been too busy to enjoy music as of late, which happens to truly bother me. Wouldn't want my skills to become dull.

The thunder storm seems to be gaining power. The glass on the window is shaking.

I also saw Kyoya-san at school today again. We exchanged pleasantries, and I do wish I had more chances to speak with him. I am not stalking him, though. I swear it wholeheartedly. What I like most about him is his ability to read people so easily. That's the first thing I really noticed about him- it's very hard to disguise yourself around him. It's as if he has x-ray vision in those glasses. Actually quite disarming.

I was trying to use a bit of rum to make me sleepy tonight (because it's been quite difficult for me to sleep at night, even though I always feel so tired) but a bit more of the bottle is gone than I was want to use. I don't think any one will miss it. I'll replace it on my way to bed. Where was I? Oh, yes, Kyoya-san. It's actually pretty hard for me to speak on this topic because I don't think that waxing poetic for the next three pages will accomplish anything. I have no idea what to do about this situation, honestly. It's difficult to find someone I truly... respect, and of course, once I do, the person is entirely untouchable. I really do wish I could rememeber more about the mushrooms, because I've heard reports that we made terrible fools of ourselves. I can do nothing but dismiss it, no matter how infinitely bothersome the curiosity may be.

School was relatively uneventful, which, of and in itself, is an event. It seems that something eceentric or strange always seems to happen there, but today, it was almost calm. I am just glad I am in lack of Mori High School accquaintances, because I would feel loathe to seem predjudiced if I was not compatible with them. It seems dreadfully unbecoming of a lady to show disdain for others below her social rank. It matters not what she actually feels about them, but an open display of negative emotion just seems to be unseemly, in my eyes. I try to keep myself out of precarious social positions as often as I can, which has served me well.

I rather love this armchair. I had forgotten it was here until recently, and once I found this gem, I just couldn't let go of it. It has to be an antique, but the cushioning on it is marvelous. Mother won't be home again tonight (praise the heavens) so I have had the ability to stay in here for the last couple hours, which is always pleasant. While my room often appears to be a veritable library, the study is almost choked with books, piled up to the ceiling, on every wall and empty surface including the floor. Since more of the bottle is gone than there aught to be missing, I suppose it's time for me to retire for the evening.

Today has been rather hectic, I'm sorry to say. I woke up late (contrary to popular belief this is not unusual for me) and was rushed out the door. My chauffer, luckily, only went about fifteen miles over the speed limit, which, for that daft old man is actually pretty reasonable when we are running late. I do hope he doesn't take offense if he ever runs across this- I do love him dearly. He's closer to me than my grandfather, and I believe he does acknowledge this.

But it will never stop him from being a most insane driver.

I did make it to school on time, and was rewarded with yet another day of banal classwork. Only chemistry was halfway exciting, because, well, I really shouldn't have been amused by this, and I feel dreadful for having had a good laugh over it, but... someone's vial exploded. Fortune must have been with him, because there were no real injuries. However, the class was still forced into the hallway because we were working with some fiendish chemicals. It was quite the adventure, I suppose.

I think it quite terrible that that had to be the highlight of my day. It's almost painfully boring. Ow.

I also saw Kyouya-san in the hall today. God, that boy. It is so wrong for me to be as... I don't know what it is! For shame! I need to get a hold of myself. And I need to stop wanting to grab him in the middle of the hallway and have my way with him! One of these days though, I swear it, I will get to snog him. So help me God.

It is not right for him to be as irresistable as he is to me! I will restrain myself! I repeat: I will restrain myself.

On this note, I think I need to find myself another stand-in boyfriend so my dearest mother doesn't try to set me up with one of her co-workers again. That would be the death of me. I know it. I think my latest (please kill me) prospect is Matsura. He's positively dreadful, and just the kind of man my mother would put me with just to see me suffer. She's terrible! Even with my vocabulary, I can think of no other words to describe him other than 'hairy.' I actually feel myself go into shudders of digust just thinking about him. Him and his hair.

Tonight the bitch was not home for dinner, so I was pleased to be eating by myself. In the study! HORRORS! I might have gotten some wine on the red carpet! Or not. I just got finished with tonight's work, so I think I'll sink into one of these books I picked up from the library. The review on this one says that it's guaranteed to give me nightmares. One can only hope they're better than dreams of Matsura.


(I will acknowledge if these are 'private' entries or 'public' entries in my user tags. Those that are labeled 'private' should be treated as if this is my diary)